“In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears” Psalms 18-6

My Distress… I called upon the Lord…I CALLED; I YELLED; I CRIED; I SCREAMED. I fell to my knees and raised my hands to the Lord, My God for help… He heard me as I humbled myself in sackclothe and ashes when in the final moment, flesh failed. This is where I found myself with my hands raised, knees on the floor crying out to the Lord. Literally, I laid myself against my beside and wailed to the Lord, “help me, I can’t take it anymore”.

My health had finally hit rock bottom. It was the moment. I found myself with unquenchable thirst, then unstoppable rush to the restroom. The leg cramps at night were unbearable leaving pretzels instead of legs by the time the sun rose. There was also the sweats, dizziness, weakness, fatigue and overall fog. It was at the moment that I had to leave work once again and my car veered towards the hospital instead of the path to home. I walked into the reception area and attempted through my fog to register myself. I struggled to define my actual problem and barely finished “I am having problems with breathing and …” , the triage nurse came through the door and took me back. Blood pressure soaring, mind lost and words fumbling I was taken to a bed ,as I began to list all the parts that I had that were failing. I realized at this moment that of all the body’s systems that were suppose to work together, like a fine oiled machine, not one of them knew what it was suppose to be doing. Not one of them, I began to believe was even working. I rested at least in the moment that I was in a place that hopefully I would at least be given one answer…”am I dying?”

The systems of the Emergency Department were at least working as their fine oiled machine should and the parade began. They each came in and did their part to begin to put pieces together. The Dr. appeared rather quickly and with a quick exam spouted more orders. I answered questions as I could searched each face to see if my questions could be answered. Blood was drawn, blood pressure taken again, pulse rate, doing a bit better than at first, IV fluids attached. Then one sweet woman walked in telling me that she was going to do a test that would determine my O2 levels in my blood. She looked at me sweetly and said, “so you are having some problems with your diabetes?” Ummmmm, did I have diabetes? Ummmm, I had not been told that I had diabetes. Ummmm I had been told that I needed to make some changes to prevent having diabetes. Ummmmm, “I guess I have diabetes”. She completed her tests and through the open door I recognized my Dr.’s voice on the phone getting the lab results, the phone was on speaker so I could hear the lab reading the preliminary results to him “A1C 12, BGL 540…………” did not get the whole number after hearing the five hundred part. WHAT….. I knew enough to know that what I just heard was far from good and far from normal….What seemed like just a split moment and the nurse appeared with medication to add to the IV. Insulin…. again WHAT….

The fluid began swishing through my veins and restoring what it should and could. I laid my head by on the pillow lost in the last moment. I would not let my mind go where it wanted to go and that was the what if’s. Strangely, my mind wandered to the what now. It was just the night before that I had cried out, in the anguish of my failing flesh and now I know and now I begin. I did not in that moment completely access that God was right there with me and yet my quiet spirit should have made me aware, I had cried out, He had heard me and He was now beside me each step that I would take.

With my body beginning to come back together and to work as one, my mind was full, yet quiet as I kept tight the many pieces of paper that would begin to define a new daily life. Stopping by the pharmacy to drop off the prescriptions that would keep my functions in order, we headed home. It was close to dinner time and the go to menus were the first to come to mind. It was my first thought after the moment that I knew that the menus would need to change. So it began, so it began immediately. No more, “oh I will start Monday, oh I will just celebrate one more time, oh just this once, oh it won’t matter”. It did matter and it had to matter. I made a few changes in my choices and requested a few changes in my needs as the prescriptions were picked up and the journey began. The research was easy, because we all know that our phone, computers and any other electronic device will listen in on our conversations and will suggest where to find all that was mentioned. Keto became my motto and it was as smooth as silk. I had no desire for the sweet tea that I gulped in excess everyday, no desire for the sweets, the carbs, the no no’s that were on the black list. God heard my cry and He came right in beside me and walked each step with me.

I made some major changes. I made decisions of care and found someone that would be aggressive with me and help me with better choices that led to better days. Before I knew it, the choices were not new, they were best and the body became strong again. I began to see the better days and the better tomorrows, but I kept very close in my mind the night of the moment when my flesh fell, and my spirit cried out. God heard me and He did not fail me, He came right beside me as He promises.

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4 ESV)

” O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear” .(Psalm 10:17 ESV)